got stitches.. ?

it was only 3 but still.

I’ve never had real big issues with my skin. A pimple here, sometimes there. But I’d never really had that teenage phase where my hormones caused terrible acne outbreaks. I was pretty blessed to have blemishes as the least of my worries with my appearance. I think my skin is pretty behaved devoid of the smaller things like hyper pigmentation and oiliness. I’d get complimented on how smooth my skin was and I always thought nothing of it. I did the minimum to maintain it: face wash every night (twice when i had make up on), moisturize, a random face mask every week or two, and drink water. Never really used any fancy serums or night creams. It wasn’t that big of a deal for me.

But I am a scab picker, I enjoy picking at pimples if i ever do get them. Yes, i know.. this is not the way. But it’s so hard to resist (ಥ﹏ಥ) must pick at it.. so enticing. A few months ago, I was picking on this bump between my eyebrows and butchered it during my friend’s wedding. Luckily, humans created concealer and the scab from me messing with this bump barely showed up in the wedding photos. A few months later, i still had the bump. i figured it prolly shouldn’t have been normal for the pimple to still be there for weeks so I went to the doctor just in case. The doctor let me know it was a cyst. He asked if I had been experiencing any pains with it and I told him no, it’s just annoying that it’s in the middle of my face. I had a couple friends who were quick to point it out, but who were funny enough to offer to try and pop it themselves. Yet, I was pretty insecure about this blemish on my face. It seemed huge and noticeable, I excessively put on eye make up to distract from the bump between my eyes.

i guess it helps the groom is the main focus in these photos so you can’t tell i have a whole ass little cyst between my brows

So since it was not a medical grief, the doctor let me know that surgery is possible but the cost would be out of pocket. Out of pocket. Ugh, i figured if Out-of-Network costs for medical things with medical insurance was a lot, out of pocket was going to be even worse. The doc told me that it was a benign cyst and no cream or routine would help reduce the size of it. It’s just something i had to consider living with if i didn’t want to get the cosmetic surgery. Rough. So I went to a second doctor for a second opinion except i told her it was giving me discomfort. She offered to inject lidocaine and before i said yes, i asked if this was at any cost. She said insurance generally covers it. Come to find out, it does not. I got an invoice in the mail from the doctor’s office and that shot of lidocaine was $300. Luckily, my insurance covered $220, but holy crap I had been bamboozled. Damn medical system.

I figured I had to live with this cyst whether i liked it or not because i imagined the surgery would cost in the thousands for some reason. I even gave myself bangs for a few weeks to mask the bump but even then, it wasn’t enough for me. One day, the guy i used to have a crush on pointed it out and made a “harmless” joke about it (even though I had this cyst for months and he had just noticed). Probably all the more reason why the crush is in past tense. But any who, that just made me hella insecure. Every time i’d meet someone new, i’d always wonder if they were staring at the big ass “pimple” between my eyes. Yup, I couldn’t handle it. No self talk, self worth, or confidence building helped me get over it. So I called the doctor’s office to inquire about the surgery, total cost $400. Not in the thousands like i imagined but also not cheap. I figured i’d save up and release my self from the intrusive, insecure thoughts that were beating me up.

Surgery day comes and i’m stoked. It was a minor surgery but I was excited, like i was going in as a patient in Grey’s Anatomy. My surgery doctor dude was super nice and walked me through the whole thing. He injected me with so much numbing stuff that I hadn’t realized he had began cutting my face. It’s interesting being awake while the surgeons are cutting and doing doctor stuff on you. There were times I was holding my breath because i didn’t want to move in case i’d be the one to mess up the surgeon. But the doctor was super dope. He’d check in with me to make sure i was good every time i’d hold my breath lol About 30 minutes into the surgery, he lets me know that the cyst was inflamed and had fell apart. He didn’t want to have any parts of the cyst left behind so he told me he was going to cauterize the remnants because he didn’t want the cyst to regenerate from the leftover pieces he couldn’t get. What my dumbass did not know is that cauterize meant he was using a hot plate knife to burn the cyst. Yup, i smelled my own flesh burning and did not feel a thing. That shit is wild and it amazes me that these things are possible. He stitched me up and tada, i was in and out of surgery in an hour.

when i originally took this photo i thought it was a sick aftermath scene, now looking back at it a week later.. its like why? it’s just a mess with two gauze tissue things with blood on it (not even a lot of blood) and some scissors lol

So now i got this low budget harry potter looking stitch between my eyes and damn it’s a sigh of relief. Over the weekend, I saw some friends and they asked me about the stitches. They told me that they didn’t even pay attention to my bump when i had it >_> . Someone even told me they never even noticed it was there. Oh how i fought with myself like damn bitch, was doing this for $400 worth it? You couldn’t have just said fuck it and lived with the cyst? It’s like the insecure thoughts I once had transformed and embodied itself in another form of intrusive thoughts. This time, i wasn’t sure why those thoughts were beating me up. I practiced telling those thoughts to shut up. That it’s okay to take care of the insecurities since I had the means/chance. Those insecurities were so loud and it’s not like I had betrayed myself for giving into my insecurities. There, there.. it’s okay. I just wanted to stop waging war on myself for no reason. It’s so tiring and i was just over it. So the next part of this emotional rollercoaster of beating myself up then calming myself down was the acceptance phase. The phase where i slowly returned to myself and said fuck it, i’ve made the decision and the only thing that matters is how I feel about the results moving forward. And a bitch started feeling better.

you got games on your phone?

Naks naman is tagalog slang used for hyping the homie up - it’s a term of endearment. The shorter version that is commonly used is naks (pronounced like nah-kss or nax). Saying naks sort of feels like when you kind of playfully elbow your friend and they blush.. like an aww shit :3 almost.

After learning of my very minor surgery, a close friend asked me “do you feel like a badass or do you feel less hot with the stitches?”. Naks naman. I was tripping that those were the options. Less hot?? I couldn’t even grasp the concept. I’ve never felt hot my entire life so i’m not sure if less hott is a nice guy term for ugly but a bitch does feel badass. So fuck it, it was worth it.

love ya’ll <3