Merry Birfmas.

t'was ya girl's birthday.

Friends, I am late once again. I'd spent this time recovering and decompressing from a very eventful birthday week. I spent the time with my perrito and little sister roaming around the desert then spent another three days adventuring around Utah. I had probably spent half of my time in the car just driving. I would not change it for the world. I saw a different side of Utah that i've never seen before, and it was as beautiful as the sights I had previously seen. If I could, i would have spent more time out there but by the second day out of state, i was already crying missing the Kuma.

the Kuma in the desert

So I turned 32 this year, and the only thing that feels it are my knees and back. It always felt like such a huge feat, getting older. But since, I can't turn back time and I don't think I can bare to live through my 20s again.. i figured i'd embrace it. Though I bought myself all terrain tires and xbulls this year for my birthday, what I really need to gift myself is courage. I always find my self being a weenie hut jr when it comes to things outside my comfort zone. I always have those days when I give myself that good-good pep talk but sigh, when i'm faced with some shit.. I just cower. That shit's rough, man.

this is where I live

In Utah, i had my sights set on a trail called Peek A Boo Slot Canyon. I watched tons of Youtube videos, and figured this shit seems fun. 4 miles of off-road terrain before hitting the slot canyon, should be easy right? Oh boy, was I wrong. So very damn WRONG, just wrongity wrong wrong WrOnG. Right at the off road trail head, the sign read, "HOV only, high clearance only". Looks at car, looks at regular car, seemed to have a high enough clearance. NOPE. Yet, i proceeded to the canyon anyway. Nervously laughing as we slid and drove through about 2-3 feet of sand in my little ol' Jeep Renegade. There was a patch about halfway into the trail where Efren was like cut through this patch because that part of the trail seems deep with sand. Welp, the turn I made landed us in even more sand with the most part of my tires buried in sand. I tried to back up and the wheels just spun. I tried to manuever the tires to move forward while really pushing the gas, this too did not work. I began to shit bricks. Luckily, some amazing man i met at the dog park had advised me to grab some recovery tracks before I set out on my trip. Boy, did I thank him repeatedly when i returned, because holy crap that saved us. We lodged the recovery pads under my front tires and pulled ourselves out to continue the trail. There was a couple questionable steep dips we took but somehow we ended up at the slot canyon. Relieved and greeted by all the nice folks in their ATVs. I'm sure they were just as surprised as we were that we made it out the off road trail.

i was so proud that i actually made it into the canyon that i made efren take a photo of me, yes there are still remnants of that pink/orange sand still in the crevices of my car

The whole time we were hiking in the canyons, I could not stop thinking about how terrible going back up the trail was going to be. I just couldn't shake it off, but on the bright side, I told Efren beforehand that he would be driving us out the trail while I drove us into the trail. This was relieving for my sanity/anxiety/mental health but it was also the first time that dude had ever driven in this kind of terrain. So on our drive back out, i mentioned a hill that i particularly remember having a panic attack inside trying to drive down. He goes, nope we didn't go through there. ¯\_( ˘͡ ˘̯)_/¯ . So I shut my damn mouth and let him go where his sense of direction was taking him.. down the wrong path to a random river bed way off trail lol It was no worries since it was still early and we had a whole lot of gas. We could afford to make a wrong turn. So he goes all the way back to that hill i mentioned earlier as I prayed we didn't tumble down the little hills we had ventured off on. I was able to spot him out of deep sand and make sure we weren't going to end up on a tilt on a hill. In hindsight, we made a great team, but at the moment, I was screaming inside. I was hella worried that either I was going to break a crucial car part or just get so stuck in sand that the recovery pads wouldn’t even help. We finally hit the hill where we previously took the wrong turn and had to push back through so much sand. I got out to use the recovery pads about 2-3 more times, teaching Efren how to steer the tires to get out of little dips of sand. Thank god for the Youtube videos I learned this from because holy shit, we were such newbs. A few hiccups later, we were clearly making it out of the trail. At the last quarter mile, I was holding everything inside me not to pre-emptively celebrate in case something went wrong. I wanted to kiss the floor when we made it to the street parking lot, but instead I bent down and checked for any damages done to the bottom of the car and my tires. What was I looking for? I wasn't sure lol I don't know what the damn bottom of my car or tires looked like before, but I was hoping if there was something wrong, it would look it? No leaks, no weird clanking sounds. Did we get out of that nightmare with just a little scratch? Pshhh. That totally did not account for all the mental and emotional damage incurred on both Efren and I during that trail.

Regardless of how I felt during that time, we made it and that's something I could not get over. There was no choice, no "trail rangers" to drag you out if we broke down or just got unequivocally stuck. It was do or rot out there, so we carried on. Pushing ourselves and definitely pushing my litto jeep to it's potential. If that trail did not make me courageous, I'm not sure what will. You know, add one of those arizona spiders into the mix and maybe my body would have shut down. But I'd rather not think of the hypotheticals lol I figured if I can endure that mentally and physically exhausting (but overall, fucking worthwhile) road, I perhaps can be a lot more brave about other things. I'm not saying i'm going to another high clearance HOV trail in a while, but maybe i'll have the courage to do the one thing.

this was from google maps on one of the trails i wanted to do, but that spider?! no fucking thanks, Arizona.

When i got back from my trip, he asked me how it was and instead of typing the whole experience through messages, i told him i'd tell him in real life the next time i ran into him. He messaged me the next morning, saying let's meet up since he wanted to hear all about it before he took off on his mini trip. Ah shucks, my feels. So we met up, and i nervously laughed as I told him about the adventure of Peek a Boo Slot Canyon. He seemed really excited for me and gave me tips for the next time around. This man even told me about a few kind of local baby trails to ease into feeling more comfortable about these types of trails. So since then, when my other friends ask me about the trip while he's around, he giggles and waits for me to tell my story. We make jokes back and forth and it just turns into a fun conversation. Now if I only had the courage to wear my big girl chonies and tell this man that he is the coolest & sweetest dude i've ever met…

Pfffftttt lol ME? talk about my feelings, all vulnerable and honest with a dude.. nah, not yet. I’ll go through Peek a Boo Canyon and get traumatized again so I can grow more balls for that. Any who, i conclude my sometimes on time, sometimes almost always late bi-weekly ramblings with some photos of beautiful Utah.

this is Efren going through “the Belly of the Dragon” lulz

yes, the soil/dirt is really that orange/red in real life.

almost seems fake doesn’t it?

The Valley of the Gods is beautiful. Take me back.

Until next time <3