pasasalamat

:P

GOOD MORNING nerds~

Happy short week for those who get the day off for Thanksgiving AND Black Friday. This quarter is always my favorite of the year because of how many days off due to holidays i usually get. & if unfortunately you have to work those days, my deepest condolences but go forth and get that pan.

Just a quick recap, Day N Vegas was amazing. Polo didn't play Through da Storm but I was too drunk to even care. Zay killed it, Roddy killed it. I got a glimpse of Kenny Beats set and we all got to sing along with Zack Fox to Jesus is The One. Ultimately King Kendrick just took the whole festival for what it's worth. He played hit after hit in chronological order - from Section 80 to GKMC to TPAB to DAMN, Baby Keem even jumped in for their new singles. The whole set list was just *chefs kiss*. It was a fun two nights in Vegas and thanks to Liquid IV - my old ass survived with no residual hangovers :3

So any-who, around this time of year i do a lot of reflection in my journals and take a second glance at all the things i had not crossed off my yearly bucket list and pile it on for next year. I take a look at all the goals I had written up with my NEW YEAR NEW ME attitude and see how far i've came along. Have you ever done that? sometimes that shit is so wild - like who was i even? Only about 10 months ago, i'd written things that would only be little hopes/wishes/dreams and then boom - mission complete. It seemed in 2020, i was struggling with the faith that i had in myself and 2021 was just me practicing holding onto the faith that i worked to have in myself.

Here's some snapshots from my journal for funsies.

Here’s three big things off my 101 things to do in 2021 list:

• win a damn tennis match (yes, I actually beat John Chen 7-5)

• learn how to snowboard (thanks to Joey Chen)

• create a functioning website

There's a few other synchy stuff but those are the ones I was surprised the most about because I had no idea what I was doing, i just knew I wanted to do them. I played tennis 3-4 days a week and challenged a lot of dudes I regularly played with and after a shit ton of losses - i pulled my head out of my ass and beat at least one person. FUCKING FINALLY - & it felt amazing. I wanted to do the website for fun since I wanted to keep all my photos/projects online in one place. I had figured i'd eventually abandon IG. After months of tweaking and refining, it's still not where I imagine it to be but it's way better than where it used to be. It's a nice little fun project in progress.

As i moved onto a more digital journal, i just found myself looking at these written journals and thought damn, it would be nice to at least write something monthly on there. I stopped in March and transitioned to the DayOne Journaling app.. where I can hide all my secrets instead of worrying who'll end up finding my journal and read all my silly notes about who i thought smelled weird at the kickback. I have a shitty memory so I love to remember little quirks like that - it brings me back to the moment. It’s one of my biggest things about taking a whole bunch of photos. i often scroll through my google photo archives and remember moments like when Manny drove me home from a Halloween Party and we saw Kevin at the McDonalds drive thru and I could not stop slurring and giggling, or the time Henry and I went mountain biking and i jumped off the bike thinking a bee was stuck in my hair and Henry crashed into a bush trying to avoid me, or the time Junior texted me recapping the mimosa drunkscapade in Arizona and he wrote "House Herbert?"

They're all just moments of time that sometimes I cringe at but fuck, the people i spent doing all these silly shit with were just unforgettable.

So for this Thanksgiving and any time the nostalgia takes over, i'm grateful for all the people that I have met that made being young and dumb fun as fuck. In tagalog, the word for thanks is salamat. I wouldn't be who I am with all the experiences that shaped me today. I may have calmed down a whole lot and feel like i'm hella boring nowadays but damn I've had a lot of fun in my life. But mostly, salamat sa inyong lahat. Shit, maraming salamat to you especially. Yes, you reading this. I'm not very open about the nonsense-for-no-reason that I write, i'm really shy and I tend to shame myself into a corner of NO ONE CARES.. but you chose to support me by receiving this newsletter. I could not be more thankful. I always told myself that if i'd just have one subscriber - i'd be happy because i'd have someone to write notes to and practice concise writing so I could try not to go off on too many tangents (still working on that). But I am BLESSED to have five subscribers, which is way more than I could have ever asked for. I do not think I can thank you enough if you even take the time out of your day to read my long drawn out notes. You gave me the courage to write without the shame. I feel less alone in this world, and if i were to wander into intrusive thoughts, I have this for that combat. This is proof that someone cares and sometimes for a silly-ol' facetious little girl like me who likes to ramble - it means a whole lot to know i can entrust my authenticity and vulnerability in you. Thanking you for joining me on this journey to figuring out this whole newsletter thing.

In Daring Greatly, Brene Brown writes:

"we love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we're afraid to let them see it in us. we're afraid that our truth isn't enough - that what we have to offer isn't enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing"

but you , you have given me the courage to let myself be seen. & i'll continue to say it until i can no longer - Salamat.